Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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