"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
