im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize