Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
