He asked me if I "almost moaned"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
