I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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