She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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