I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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