Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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