I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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