I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
They are going to name an STD after you.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
