Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
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I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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