there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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