I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
