I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
