this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
