kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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