Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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