I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
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It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
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Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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