It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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