dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
