i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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