Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
