Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
