I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
