My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
