Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
