Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
