I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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