u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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