Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
