the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Randomize
