I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
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I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
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You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
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