I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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