Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I yelled at your uterus for you.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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