its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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