Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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