I want to make a zoo with you.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
