i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
