I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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