this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Randomize
