Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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