HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
