never play flip cup with pint glasses
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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