Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
