he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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