Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
