do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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