Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
