Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
