Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
