it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
