i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
as a side note pls kill me
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
