dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
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tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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