i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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