batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
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