I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
