Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
