Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
