You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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