That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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