I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
