after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
