I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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