you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
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Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
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Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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