its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
