The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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