Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
