I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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