So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
