This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
